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Monthly Archives: April 2017

Some Tricks to Move On

Everybody has a good side. “True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.” – Oprah Winfrey. Focus on the positive qualities of the person who has offended you. See how in the past they may have added value to you. Stay in the energy of gratitude for what they have done for you and you’ll eventually start to cherish them for real once again.

Feel free to define your boundaries. On the other hand, you may decide to limit contact if the relationship is dragging you down. You can still have affection and respect for someone but you may need to keep them at a distance at least temporarily.

Accept your contribution. In all likelihood, you probably played some part in the conflict. Acknowledge your actions and figure out how to make positive changes.

Look at it from their point of view. When someone fails to apologize, it usually has more to do with them than with you. They may feel ashamed or vulnerable. When you think about their pain, you may feel like you have more in common.

Resist all-or-nothing thinking. Distinguish between the human being and their actions. An action may be wrong but that doesn’t make the whole human being wrong. If someone criticizes you unfairly, list the things you still like about him / her.

Release the negative energy. Venting your feelings in a diary or an imaginary letter helps to sort things out. You can express yourself freely without worrying about widening the divide. Write the letter and burn it to release the energy from your body onto the paper and eventually into the ether. Works like magic every single time!

Reach out. If someone close to you has trouble apologizing, you may need to make an extra effort. Let them see how you apologize and take responsibility for your actions so they can discover more options.

One of the things that has personally helped me a lot in situations like this is to always remind myself that the advantages of forgiveness are the same whether the other person apologizes or not. Think of pardoning others as something you do for yourself rather than for them.

1. Drop the resentment – “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela. Grudges are like a heavy weight on our being. When you release your anger and disappointment, you’ll free up energy that you can devote to the things you love.

2. Be Generous – Each of us makes mistakes don’t we? But unfortunately, we often judge others on their actions and judge ourselves on our intentions. When you give someone a second chance, remember that you’ll probably need one yourself someday.

3. Value your relationships. Family and friends are precious. Develop connections that can withstand conflicts. Resolving your disagreements can even draw you closer together when you cooperate on finding solutions.

4. Take control of your feelings. You’re in charge of your own happiness. Focus on something that gives you happiness and joy instead of checking your phone to see if your partner/spouse apologized yet. “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

5. Let It Go. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” – Martin Luther King Jr. Most of all, a loving and forgiving heart is good for your own mental and physical health.

Relationship Expectations

The extremes of relationship expectations occur like that akin to borderline personality disorder, where there are fine lines between love and hate. I mean to the point of holy deference, we risk sliding into loathing when they fail us. And they will. The point is, our expectations will place them in a position where they must fail us; they cannot possibly live up to the heights we decree them.

Putting anyone atop a pedestal is fraught with danger, even if those we place there have definitive responsibilities of leadership. Consider that they may not be perceived to have failed these leadership responsibilities, even if we think they have. Where does that leave us, if we think someone has failed us, but others think nothing of it?

It is easier to plan for the fact that people fail us. The higher we estimate a person’s worth, the worse we feel when they fail to meet that standard. This is not their problem. It’s ours.

When relationship expectations reach unreasonable heights, forgiveness becomes harder than ever. When the lofty have fallen, there is no recourse to forgive them.

Long Term Relationship


It’s always recommended that you be open in your relationship. This calls for you to tell your spouse all the necessary details. The details should be both good and bad. While this is the case, you shouldn’t be disrespectful. When your partner makes a mistake, you should correct him/her respectfully. For your relationship to last for a long time, you should respect each other. As rule of thumb, you should never bring down your partner.


Maturity isn’t acting all “grown up” such as not watching cartoons or laughing at booby jokes. Maturity is the ability to tell right from wrong, take responsibility for actions, and solve problems when you come across. If your partner is always blaming the government, traffic, boss or anyone else for something, he/she isn’t mature and you should be wary when working with him/her.


Maintaining a long-term relationship requires both of you to be responsible. One common feature of a long-term relationship is children. The last thing that you want is living with a partner who can’t provide for the children or take good care of you. Your partner doesn’t necessary need to have a lot of money but he/she should have some levels of security.


While your partner should be responsible and serious in life, he/she should also be fun to be with. Your partner should be able to laugh away the life inconveniences, make fun of normal occurrences and laugh at himself/herself. A partner with a sense of humor isn’t boring and helps you have a fun look on life. While a sense of humor is great, you should stay away from a person who makes fun of other people.

Be Responsive in Relationships

Another Experience

Having said that, this might not be the case, and this means that even if one doesn’t take the first step, it doesn’t mean that they won’t talk, in fact, they could end up being the ones who talk the most.

And if one does take the first step, they could also be the ones who don’t talk the most. There is also the chance that each of these people will be in balance, and this will then mean that there will be times when they talk and times when they don’t.

A Good Way to Be

Through having this ability, it will give them the chance to create relationships that are in balance. If one could only talk and they were unable to listen, they wouldn’t be able to find out others.

Ultimately, they would be ignoring the other person’s needs and they could come across as self-centred. It might then be a challenge for them to develop relationships with others, and if they do, it could be a sign that it’s only because these people don’t value themselves.

The Other Side

On the other hand, if one could only listen and they were unable to talk about themselves, it won’t be possible for other people to find out about their life. As a result of this, they will be ignoring their own needs.

Other people could also see them as secretive, and it could then be difficult for them to connect to them. Thus, one could end up spending time with people who only talk about themselves, and this could cause them to feel as though their needs are not important.


Nevertheless, even if one wasn’t looking to develop new relationships with others and only wanted to improve the ones they have, it will still be important for them to be able to listen and to talk. Therefore, if their relationships are not as they would like them to be; they could look into whether they are in balance.

During this time, they may find that although they talk about their own life, they don’t spend much time listening to what their friend’s have to say. Alternatively, they may find that even though they listen, they don’t share enough of their own life with others.

Certain People

And while one could be a certain way with everyone they know; they could also find that this is not the case. For example, one may find that even though they are in balance when it comes to some people, they are not always this way.

But if one is the same around everyone they spend their time with, it could be said that they will have all the more reason to change. This could mean that one simply needs to pay attention to how they behave and then to change their behaviour or they might need to reach out for external support, for instance.


When one’s relationships are not very fulfilling, it could also be a sign that there is a lack of intimacy. This will then mean that it will be important for one to reveal more about themselves.

And as they do this, it may also encourage the people they spend their time with to do the same thing. One could then find that this will bring them closer to some of the people they spend their time with and that they will no longer be drawn to others; this is because some of these people might not be willing to change.

Being Responsive

In order for intimacy to take place, one will need to open up and the other person will need to be responsive to what they have to say. And one will also need to behave in the same way when someone else opens up.

When this happens, will one listen to what the other person has to say and they won’t change the subject. This means that one will be displaying empathy and acknowledging what they have to share.

Everyday Life

However, even though it will be important for one to be responsive when it comes to experiencing intimacy, it doesn’t mean that this is the only time when it matters. What this comes down to is that human beings are generally drawn to people who are responsive to what they have to say.

Due to this, it won’t matter whether they are talking about their feelings or what they have been doing that day. So through being responsive, one could end up creating a new friend or they could strengthen an existing relationship.